Feb 2005

Ahalya (email) :
dear divya,
its been too long i know. its partly because i've been too busy and too tired and mostly very numb. this letter is going to be all about me and me so sit back, this willt ake a while. C got a cellphone, on his birthday, and sent me rather steamy messages. in retrospect, i wasnt really feeling romantic, but how could i ignore him when he was in a good mood, so against my better judgement and that of the whole world, i began sms ing too. yes i know. i know. hm, yes you have told me and yes i had promised. and yes i feel sorry for myself and angry at myself and i try not to remeber what i wrote and i worry that i have saved all the messages on my phone, in a special folder and that i may someday have to delete it.thie thing is this, he told me that his mum is goin to start looking for girls for him frm may. not to eat, u silly, to marry, yes you read it right and i dont know why i wasnt expecting it. you know i really wasnt expecting it. seriously, anyway, so in that spilt second before i could edit what i felt, which was horrible, used etc. i said' C i cant listen to thsi today' why did i say 'today'? i will come to that in a while. anyway, i was thinking how could he say all of these romantic things to me and be totally unconcerned abt gettng married to someone else. genius arent i? took me just a split seconds and 4 years to figure this out. hm.so i hung up on him, yes u read that right, and i didnt take his calls later either. it wasnt really that difficult and brave a deed as i make it out to be anyway, since he only called twice and even then just let it ring 4-5 times and didnt even bother using his brand new sexy cellphone to send me a consoling message.
it did not strike me then, i just went on crying and making my cold worse, by the way, i had the flu during the weekend which is why i coudnt cal, didnt have the strenght to call.and i cried and wailed and hollered and cursed.about that 'today' bit, this is where it gets intersting. my aunt got us a lemon and some kumkum from a temple. now u know what this emans, dont you, drink this and ur prayers will be answered, well me and sis didnt want to touch that thing because hey, who knows what these ppl prayed for and what if we did not agree with what they think is good for us, u get it right. so my sis ran off and i was cornered in the kitchen by darling mum and dad who refused to let me move until i sipped it, it was a strange scene divya, me cowering in the corner of our messy kitchen, my parents aghast that i wasnt obeying them and whats worse them making encouraging sounds to make me drink it and all the while that dreaded mug thrust on me and me as usual imagining all sorts of unhappy consequences.
whats to say, as you could expect i had one drop of lemon in my mouth and i scurried off. to a temple.
i know what ur thinking,
is this the ahalya i know.
why is she acting like a telugu sopa opera actress with a script. i know. i just felt scared. i never feel thjings are in my hand anyway, and i know now why i feel that. but i just....ok.
and things at home have been extra weird bbecause now my mum wants to show my aunt that we are a model happy family, how can she even try while she continues to nag and cry???????????????????????????????
so me and my sis try to put on our act for them, uno in which we pull each other's legs, tease each other and fight to entertain them, its very tiring.
so my dad tries to stop my mum from whing too much, which of course makes her even more angry and when she complins which is quite ususal my aunt tells her to stop acting like a kid.
so when erics sms es started coming i just felt glad that i had romance in my life u know.anyway.
so all this happend and the ppl at work think i am one of those ppl who is stuck to the cell phone all the time. oh and yes before i forget i gave V my number. and he kept calling.
ah and of course the next day i told C 'How I Feel' and that did not go down well. i cried and blubbered and said Everyhting and he remained Silent, and i wondered was i overreacting, and i said i was Sorry, hm, i KNOW.
and then he said Fine and he hung up and i sent him soppy messages, yes i did.
and i called him twice and he said rude things hat did i expect.bas thats it.
he is returning a book i gave him from my library on saturday. i also have to meet saee on saturday. she is doing the same silly things as me!!!what a surprise!
and on sunday i am going bird watching at some pond 7 kn from dombivli. with some ppl at work and tthe members of bnhs.
N is in town and today is APs bday..dot dot dot
havent touched japanese or my MA stuff and abandoned knitting too. reading a funny book and falling asleep immediately, get weird dreams and wake up alert for the next day. i dont know why. you would think the enthusiasm would have faded by now.
dont know what to do about v, everyhting is messed up. i just want to shut off my phone and wait till everybody gets tired of calling and goes away and ignores me royally whn i come back.
or so it seems.
listen if you want to talk about anything, anyone, just start ok, i know his phone thing is bad, so wrtite alright, everyhting coems out then, wothout interruptions, and dontb edit anythign ....
waiting in my dusty little cottage,