Being a mother

Aug 2004
Ahalya : (email)

Hate your phone, sigh
called C, no one home, or so he wants me to believe or maybe he really does want me to believe that he is there but purposely avoiding my calls.
why this happend?
why me?
bad q i know but i can tstop myself from thinking these things so cant stop myself from saying these things to you.
he is stupid na, leaving ME. very very stupid na. he will come back you'll see. sooner or later he will need that dog like devotion i would give him.
idiot!
me not him.
kill me no....
quickly dont want to suffer physically as well.
and now i hate asking this but how are you, hate asking this because you may think i have suddenly remembered to ask you which is not the truth, infact now whenener i call you i think what if he is calling her and hwe is hearing this msg.

if you understood that either i am mad or we both are. or we both are extremely beautifula nd sensitive human beings
...
ok i think the first portion is us.

call me, write to me or at least scream out what you want to say...chee
see there i go being stupid again, is it any wonder then that men...ok wont complete that sentencfe.
i mailed V, it has been 24 hours and he hasnt replied.
i am not flirting relaly, i just want that friend that saee has, uno that freind guy...
how is T, i could just go on, any news form hike?
really i am not flirting with V
really
swear on my bear.
a terribly image just flashed in fron t of my eyes,
or at least in front of the left eye.
i think i may not get married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
gasp
did i tell you abt this dream i had, in which there is this baby girl, very cute huge eyes and PINK cheeks and i am carrying her and she is holding onto me like a baby monkey, i dont even have to hold her she is clingin to me so firmly anyway, i am just walking around the house and doin normal things and i go to the kitchen to shut off the cooker and i place a hand on her head so the steam doest bother her and she is busy eating/playing with somethg and i am talking to her pathietic kiddy stuff i keep asking her 'who are you' whi are you...
and she loks into my eyes and says
i am HBO
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i laugh
and then she says calmly
i am ganpati
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
what to do now?