Of phantom cigarettes, Rolling Stones and Brit-Romantic-poets

A: u there?

D: yes yes

A: i want to smoke

cigarette

D: u've put this in my head

only diff, I don’t want to smoke phantom cigs

so....shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

A: me neither

D: no talking about cigs

oh

:) not helping the case

A: dammit

um

D: hmm...

it's just the idea of feeling better after a smoke

A: yes

D: must look damn cool as well.

A: a drink wouldn’t do it the same way

super cool

SUPER cool

jaane de, dum nahin hai

D: and i dunno, if u've noticed , but the ones who smoke get to easily wash their hands off the 'gurly gurl’ tag obsessed with pink and Alanis Morissette

:|

nahi hai

A: noticed too

D: hmm

A: there’s this Rolling Stones song, new one- streets of love

the chorus stays the same, except for the last line,

one line makes me feel very tired

Like a balloon, 2 weeks after the party

That’s why the cig

ello?

Where you went?

D: here only

Uncle came

asking if I can wait till 8

..Go to the nearby coffee shop

have sum coffee

I said, ‘ginger tea’

He said, “Oh damn…that changes everything

A: oi!

D: :|||

A: he taking u??????????????

D: no no

NOOOOOOOOOO

I’m not his type

i am too old for him he thinks

And its not the sour grape shit but i am glad he thinks i am not his type

YOU act like this old woman D

Where’s the romance in your life

romance in the Brit poet- eternal romantic sense

A: um

whre is it D

yeah sure

(lighting 8th cig)

D: where is it? i dunno. i am tired.

Bored.

Now I want it to come to me

i am sick of looking around

(tch tch )

A: and u will do nakhra with it little when it comes?

D: i am scared to do any nakhra, A

A: or straight u will say, "oh good. Zzzzzzzzz"

?

:)

I know

D: what if its my only chance and i loose it

:)

yaaaaaa

we are old

its ok no

fuck

ya whatever

A: ancient

D: yes

A: crumbling

whatttttttttttttttttttttttttt??????????

D: :::::::::&

nothgin

A: i would rather not ask

D: :)

f's mum calls up every Monday

to ask my mum if somebody came to see me on Sunday

just to rub it in

mum lost it y'day

A: u know next time

D: she screamed

A: she calls

pull uncle close to your chair

D: and dad went and hung up...took the receiver from her hand and hung up

and?

A: N in my office would do this-- make a mmmmmm sound, "come back na A... who are u talking to you" in a sleepy way

D: lol

lol

lol

lol

She doesn’t call me. She calls my mother

A: mum screamed at you?????

D: u in touch with him?

A: what did mum say?

baap re

D: mum screamed at my aunt

and then she came to me..,. sulking...see what all i need to face ...jussst because my daughter is single and her’s is married

A: TCH

BIGGEST TCH

D: I knowwwww

A: sO who is going for coffee/tea???

u???

D: nobody is

He said, wait no till u get the cd. Wait at the coffees shop. Have some coffee."

Like that.

A: he will pay or what?

seedha poochenka

D: he might say yes.

so

A describes a home and D gets sarcy

A: sigh
every where i go i am starting again
tired re
time i settled down
##################
thats the fence around my ghar
and ****************************8
thats all the stars in the sky with a ... um... 2 storey building in the horizon
and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! rain falling too
D: y u want rain
A: while _________________ i am sleeping in my big bed
D: will jst make it messy
ah like dat
A: tch
and and and OOOOOOOOOO thats my dinner table
with lotsa garma garam food
ok i am mad
D: i think i am getting old
very old
A: um
u are actually
ok not that old
!
goin for lunch
brb
dont get older
D: wokay
----
D: a guy's father called...wants my pic...my dad only gave him my number
hw cool is dat
A: ummmm
send my pic
A: ;)
D: lol
A: send that pic of u me and krishna in matheran and ask him to choose
he will never bug you again
;)
D: LOL
LOL
lol
i like dat
A: :)
D: his mum told my mum , "i aint sayin dis coz he is my son...but he is very handsome.."
dey dont even want to chek the hrosocpe till dey see my pic
dey wont ever chek it.
A: one sec testing limits of rolling my eyes
D: lol

The Chaiwalah’s den: To boldly go where no chai drinker has gone before

Hot afternoon. Tapri chai at the corner of a dusty quiet lane. A and D find a place to sit.
D: … And then I left
A: Geez, I was beginning to wonder if that moron would ever get it…

They laugh. Suddenly the shadow of a man looms over them. A snort is heard. They stop laughing. Heads whip upwards to see….


Crowded local. A and D are speaking animatedly to each other. The clickety clack of the train has receded into the background. The various yelps and abuses that their fellow passengers are hurling at each other do not disturb them. A and D chat on. The phone rings...

A: Ello?
Voice: Hi...

Train screeches to a halt…

3 am. A and D whisper to each other over the phone.

A: It is not that he is always there that is worrying me. It is the fact that I think he is smirking at us. I…I can’t whip around my hands any more like a windmill.
D: Yes, I think we need to meet him.
A: Are you sure? He doesn’t know about our real powers. He thinks we only drink tea… Should we…
D: Tomorrow is best. Let’s do it.

Line goes dead ...

And we set off. The Carrot aka The Coffee-Drinking Chaiwalah, a sinister underworld don had been dominating our conversations for quite a while. Ever since one of us revealed to him the existence of our blog, he had sent out his fellow chaiwallahs after us. We no longer felt safe. We felt our tea was drugged. Why else would one of us feel the urge to spill all our secrets to Him? He was giving us gaajar, and we were lulled into a sense of security by his convincing act of innocence (you should try reading his version of events, especially the part where he glosses over the fact that he couldn’t find a single tapri. He thinks he fools everyone with his ‘I am just a blogger, and know nothing about the syndicate of tapris I run, earning me some black money I can spend on cheesy movie tickets’), and one of us started discussing everything with him.

We took care not to go to the same chaiwallas, but no matter where we went, he would know. We would be waiting for a restorative drink at a new chaiwalla, when the chaiwalla’s phone would ring. A quick word and he would stop smiling at us, we would freeze, the chai would come, but we would gulp it down, afraid that one of us was revealing everything to the Chaiwalah.

We decided to corner him in his own den. We donned ordinary clothes, not the sleek black suits we usually wore when making a hit. We saw him across the road. Our cronies, in unmarked vehicles, kept a close watch on us. We pretended to falter while crossing the road while exchanging a complex code of signals with our bodyguards trained in martial arts. They were keeping an eye on us, ready to move in, should we need armed assistance.

Lunch was not good. He kept quiet, watching the television, we had paid the channels a lot of money to keep out the news of raids all over the city on a particular chain of tapris that He lorded over.

He realised nothing. We had him fooled with our act. We took him shopping while the other tapris in his syndicate were razed to the ground. It was a cruel way of mitigating his terrible act, but we had to be ruthless. There were innocent people drinking tea here. He, felt damn sure he had the upper hand. One of us pretended to pull a muscle and had him distracted while the last chaiwalla standing was hauled away.

Coffee? Ha! Ours was laced with our own secret supply of tea. We just came back from an all-night chai-party, celebrating our victory over The Carrot. New tapris will soon come up. We arrive outside and the sweet smell of tea is wafting in the air. Chai, is safe again.

Sowie doodhwaale bhaya ji

Divya (email)

Shitttttt...he said he'll call me sometime....

Nooooooooooo...don’t.....pls don’t.....!

Its like telling your doodhwala, ‘Bhaiya kalse doodh mat lana...ksi aur ko bola hai
laneko...”’

Oops...sowie...!!

How not to lend a book to Divya

Divya: i like divine comedy
i want their songs
der so ....:)
dey r so...*
me: i dont think hv heard their songs
Divya: umm
first time i heard gin soaked boy on V....4-5 yrs back
me: oh yaaaaaaaaa
Divya: since den looking...
me: have heard that
frgot that song
Divya: nice songs dey have
me: hmmm
Divya: pursuit of happiness is nice
me: have u heard pet shop boys?
Divya: no
me: :* (that means nice, i like)
me: u shld hear it.. dave matthews band crash into me
see it on pandora
in fact hear anythg by dave matthews band
grace is gone, dreamgirl
and my favourite-- crash into me
Divya: hmm
me: listen to it na
Divya: wait no...
me: feel like i am smoking, when i listen to it, sorta like a exhale song
Divya: takes time to switch...nd pandora wont play exactly that song...
me: or big glass of tea/brandy
ah...
Gin Blossoms -- Hey Jealousy
Sorry i know i get hyper abt songs
Divya: made two stations with diff songs of dave m b....
playing nythgin but thier songs
me: :D

Divya: EVRYTHGIN BUT DMB
me: HUH..
oh how sad
anyway...
Divya: btu teh songs are quite neat
me: i have good collection
get for u on sunday
yes
Divya: :)
yess
can u get sumthgin else as well
:&
:B
:K
u mst waitign to knw wat
so...umm
ny one of mc call smitth
i've read kalahari typing school
me: !!!
what!
a book?
purchased with money?
that also mccall smith u want?
agatha christie wont do what?
Divya: ur freind only no
/:)
me: who said
yaya
Divya: aaila
smith is no longer ur friend?
me: all natak u will do now
!!!
Divya: :|
me: oh ho
Divya: tch...inturn i'll give u ur vikram seth back
(:&)
me: i dont want it no more
boring it is
Divya: damn
um...u want
wat u want
me: what u have>?
Divya: i dont wat ALL i have..:D
u see wat i have..
wenu come home
me: hmmm
deal...

of besht friends...

Divya (email)

Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
Calvin:

From wisdom tooth to pedicure

Divya (email)

Horrible toothache. Could have done without 'horrible'. Never heard of
a pleasant ache …so there
it’s the darned wisdom tooth ....whoever said I could do with some
wisdom....i look like a miffed dog.....really, really pissed off...really
really messed up...

mummy yelled at me for something very silly....more so, ‘coz she
couldn’t yell at me for saying no to a nice proposal, from a nice ol'
boi, old mane OLD, ok. She is dying to say that I’ll never get
married. I am not dying to get married anyway. At least not to
someone i would have addressed as bade bhaiyya on a normal day.
:( What ahalya....where d fuck is it al going...just dying to leave
this place...nothing wrong with the place…just sum people. But I cannot shut
them up for life.

dat wolman keeps on repeating that thing the astrologer said. its not
like I am not trying hard to keep it off my mind...but every other day
she'll tell me how freaking unlucky i am. "So ma, why are you bothered...?"
...arrey, how will I not be bothered…what do i tell all these people, y is
my daughter not married....or why is she sitting at home warming
chairs....huh huh..??”

Please tell me its the tooth ache that’s driving me nuts...

7 long days I don’t message U, neither does he. Finally when he does, he
says..."its M’s b'dy today". PERIOD. So what the fuck do i do
man...??? i am sic of calling up his friends on their b'days an
anniversaries...!

It’s the tooth ache ahalya, it is the tooth ache!

Ahalya (email)

Actually it is the toothache.

It would be lovely to get away from these people who make us miserable, but u cant get away permanently... get the difference. Even if u go to Dubai do not imagine that u would have gotten away from here...only from her constant bullying

Besides U is U... he isn’t mean to you... he just is...and I think that is wrong

i think everyone should change some annoying things just so that they don’t drive their girlfriend to suicide....

But he should want to change no... if he doesn’t care whether u don’t message him then well he doesn’t care

Don’t worry girl just get busy and don’t think about this i know that it’s easy to say and hard to do but that’s coz u at home

Right?

How’s the driving class

Divya (Email)

It’s been just two days since the class...and so far so good types. Its
quite simple come to think of it...u can get done with the basics in a
day. Provided u r left alone in an empty ground....devoid of people,
manholes/potholes, trees, poles, dogs, and other people with a learners
license driving alongside...!
Don’t see how i can get busy being here....
Got all depressing books around.. ‘A map for lost lovers’. roll roll
roll my eyes...
what’s the POA for morw? Am I coming to your place? Don’t have to....if u got
plans. As serious as I can get with a toothache...! I’m just gonna be in a
rotten mood...atleast till I get a lil wiser!

You can come down to Dubai. Tickets wont cost that much and visa can be
easily arranged. Take a break and come to Dubai. I know its not sum
place u are dying to go to...still....

cant read HHGG...too many memories...
cant read half the books i have ..coz someone gave it to me...and
someone gave it to me coz i was dying to read them.

What will i do once he gets married?
Toothache doesn’t kill. Damn it.

Ahalya (email)

DIVYA SLAP SLAP

SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP

i typed each SLAP didn’t copy paste it

Come home trow. Seriously. Me doing nothing after guitar class wanted to clean up the kitchen but YOU CAN HELP and that isn’t a request!!!!

Was thinking about going for a pedicure? What say wanna do it together? Near my place

100 bucks?

get ready to be at my place till at least 6 if u coming after 12

will call u working on an article

Divya (email)

Sounds good. But i aint doing y pedicure....i refuse to take of my
socks. i'll sit there with u...